Tourniquet
by Leah Bea
Summary: A song fic to "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. You'll just have to read it to find out more...


_i tried to kill the pain   
but only brought more   
i lay dying   
and i'm pouring crimson regret and betrayal_   
  
I watched with morbid fascination as it pooled around me. Of course, I know this was   
the most painful way to die. I knew this. That is why I did it. If I didn't make this as   
painful as it could ever be, then how would I have repented for all that I have done? I   
killed her tonight, just like I did with Tomoe. Only... unlike Tomoe, she kept telling me   
she did not want to die. With each breath she managed to take, she told me she did not   
want to die, and asked me if she would die. Of course I lied to her and said she would not. I   
knew, though. I knew all along she was going to die. Ever since I first met her....   
  
_i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming   
am i too lost to be saved   
am i too lost?_   
  
I've asked myself this thousands of times. Was I too lost to be saved? Of course I am. I   
have killed two women who I loved. And now, I sit here with her in my arms, our blood   
mingling. A silent prayer is repeated again and again, although I am unsure of where I   
learned such a thing. Certainly not from Shishou... I do not think I will ever know how   
long I cried before I completely broke and began to scream out her name, telling her she   
was OK, and that it was time to wake up. All I remember is picking up my already   
bloodied Sakabatou, and pointing it at my heart. That's all I can recall. That, and the   
blood.   
_my God my tourniquet   
return to me salvation   
my God my tourniquet   
return to me salvation_   
  
I tried this once before, I remember. It was right after I killed Tomoe. Of course, they   
found me and stopped me. They always would. Every time. But now, no one is here to   
stop me. They're all dead. All but Sanosuke, but he is too busy exchanging final words   
with Megumi-dono. He could not stop the strike against myself. Only one could possible   
halt my actions now, and save me. But He won't. He knows this is my only way to make   
up for all that I've done. All that I've caused. So, He'll let me. But the question is, will He   
allow me to see them all again? In the after life? No, probably not. This is not enough to   
cleanse myself of all the blood that covers my body, mind, and soul. No, this is not nearly   
enough.   
  
_do you remember me   
lost for so long   
will you be on the other side   
or will you forget me_   
  
Tomoe, I may see you soon. Will you remember me, or will you have locked me away   
from your memory? I know she will... After what I have done, she will have locked me   
into the farthest corner of her mind and forgotten me. Although it has only been a few   
hours since she left for the life after. But, Tomoe, will you remember your murderer?   
Will you remember the man who took away your happiness? She will not remember her   
murderer, she'll have forgotten. She may very well know who stole away her happiness,   
though... Perhaps she will seek revenge on my spirit. Soon I shall know. Soon you will   
know Tomoe. Soon she will know.... It will be over....   
  
_i'm dying praying bleeding and screaming   
am i too lost to be saved   
am i too lost?_   
  
I look down at her face, her blue eyes are still open, her mouth frozen in her final   
word. But never again will her eyes sparkle as they once did, and never will she finish   
that word. She's dead, now. I feel my hand raise up, slowly, from my side. The movement   
is taking all of my concentration. Slowly I close her eyes. A small smile crosses my face   
as I think of how I've always wanted to hold her like this. I have been silent for a while   
now, no screams escaping my throat. Only a few choked sounds now and then.... I fall   
forward suddenly, clutching her tightly as I cough violently. It hurts so much. I feel a   
liquid make it's way out of my mouth and realize it's blood. The end is very near....   
  
_my wounds cry for the grave   
my soul cries for deliverance_   
  
Whatever entity wishes to claim my bloodied soul, you must come quickly to whisk it   
away. Things are growing dim, and I can't seem to feel her anymore. I can barely hear   
Sanosuke's cries for Megumi-dono to return to him. All I know is constant is the blood. It   
drips like crimson rain over her body from my wound, and it pools around us both. I have   
never truly thought about how much of this liquid is contained within a human... It is   
becoming cold, and I feel myself fall forward, unto her cooling body. It's over... I lost,   
and yet I've won....   
_tourniquet   
my suicide_   
  
  
---   
I'm sorry, I could not help it. I was just listening to this sound for the first time, and after   
listening to the first few lines, I wanted to write a fan fic to go with it. This is the product.   
Perhaps I will write a story telling what happened to cause all of this. Well, that just   
helped my depressed mood some. =) No, not really. But I do feel better having written at   
least one thing. Not what I SHOULD be writing, mind you, but something all the same.   
The song is "Tourniquet" by Evanescence. 


End file.
